I Hate The Internet

Yes, I appreciate the irony of posting that statement on a blog, but stay with me, I has reasons.

It's not that I HATE the Internet. That's perhaps a tad too extreme. If I were shorn of it I'd probably go into the geek equivalent of an info-diabetic coma. It's just that what on one hand is today's super-accessible technology that gives us access to an enormous repository of information literally in the palm of our hands, is also AN INESCAPABLE DISTRACTION THAT CLAWS TIME AND CONCENTRATION FROM MY VERY SOUL!!!!3!4!!!&!

Ahem.

Simply, the Internet makes it very fucking hard to get anything done. Take yesterday. I popped into town and used the opportunity to hide myself away in a coffee shop and get some writing done (yes I'm one of those guys, sue me). No TV, no laptop, just me and a pad and a pen. Except... I had my phone. My bloody smartphone. And the coffee shop had wifi.

Ding! went my email as an email arrived.

Blip! went my twitter app as some @ messaged me.

Doik! went Facebook as someone mentioned my name.

Bzzt! went GetGlue as someone agreed with my opinion on how awful Sucker Punch is.

Ding Blip Doik Bzzt! Ding Blip Doik Bzzt! DING BLIP DOIK BZZT!

Aaaaaaagh!

For god sake leave me alone!!!!!

It was then that they asked me to leave. Some people just don't appreciate a live, impassioned rendition of 'The Tell-Tale iPhone'.

Screw those people, say I, I'm gonna write a scathing blog post about them all!

Wait a minute... Noooooooo!